i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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