I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
