i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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