My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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