that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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