did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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