i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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