he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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