I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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