Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
