Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
