and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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