I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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