is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
