i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
