I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
