just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
