I love black thongs
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
