I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
