I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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