Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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