I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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