be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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