Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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