i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
