fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
