My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
