I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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