There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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