There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
