and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
