her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
