dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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