not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
