party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
