I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
