Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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