Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
