If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize