Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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