I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize