The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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