Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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