Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
