what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
