I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
