i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
