The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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