My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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