I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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