well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
