I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
