***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
