The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
