I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
