He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
