I heard we made out
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
