i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
