I hate all girls vehemently.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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