She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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