i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
