Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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