Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
