I'm going to jail i love you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
