yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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