i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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