is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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