How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
