My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
