maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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