So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
